Linley Speaks

In the car on the way to the airport,

Linley: Mom, do you know where my diarrhea is?

Me: Your what?

Linley: You know, the book where I write all my secrets?

In the car on the way to the mall; her father, uncle and brother present,

Linley: Mom, how do babies get out of your tummy?

Me: Silence. But, in an effort to avoid any awkward moments, point to her hoohaw and tell her I'll explain the rest as soon as the boys are gone

Linley (in her loudest and most disgusted voice): So the doctor just reaches up and pulls the baby out of your butt (major emphasis on butt)??

Me: Not exactly. I'll explain it to you as soon as the boys are gone

Five minutes later, in an elevator; Linley, Tess and myself present.

Linley: So mom, how do babies come out of your tummy?

Me: Well, you know boys and girls have different private parts

Linley: Yes. Boys have wieners and girls have crotches

Me: Something like that. A girl's private part has a place for the baby to come out of when it is time for it to be born. Boys' private parts are different. That's why mommies can have babies and daddies can't. Aren't we lucky??

Linley (in her loudest and most disgusted voice): So the doctor just reaches up and pulls the baby out of your butt (major emphasis on butt)??

Me: Exactly. I am so glad we had this conversation.